My Best Friends’ Weddings

This is a topic I’ve been meaning to address for some time now. Generally speaking, when you’re never available on weekends and your blogs are filled with shots of brides, your friends and family will begin taking notice…particularly if they think that you’re good at it! If you are a photographer or someone who has made it very clear that you aspire to be a photographer, then it is quite likely that someone you know—a friend, or family member–at some point in time will ask you to photograph their wedding.

There are two sides to this sort of proposal. For one, it’s flattering when somebody you trust thinks highly enough of your skill to ask you to handle such a major milestone as their wedding, viewed in many cultures as the “happiest,” “most important,” or “most memorable” day of a bride or groom’s life! Also, being your friend or relation, you want to make sure that they get great pictures on their special day (I’ve already touched on the importance of hiring a professional vs. an amateur for a wedding), without going broke if they really can’t afford major photography talent! If you’re an amateur yourself, it’s quite tempting to accept just for the experience points—and on that note, you may want to consider just asking if you can shoot their engagement photos (something that can be redone if something goes wrong), or inquire as to whether the professional they (hopefully) hire would mind if you assisted them.

HOWEVER…

Even if you are a professional, there are major drawbacks to photographing a friend’s wedding. For example, what if something went terribly wrong with their photos? What if a whole capture card was corrupted and you lost a few hundred of their photos forever? Insurance may cover your costs in the event of a complete and total disaster, but there is no insurance for friendships. Of course true friends will forgive you, but we all know a firecracker or two that would end a friendship without thinking twice over botched wedding photos. You always run a certain risk when you shoot a wedding, but what an accident could cost you from a friend‘s wedding may be even higher, and in some cases, never redeemable.

I don’t remember where I read this (probably a Flickr forum), but someone said that the closer you are to the bride and/or groom, the better off you are as a guest instead of a vendor at their wedding! If it’s a good friend or family member getting married you shouldn’t be working–you should be a guest!

IF YOU ARE A BRIDE OR GROOM…

…And you’re considering hiring a good friend as a wedding vendor, put yourself in their shoes for a moment: They will be at what may very well be the biggest party you’ve ever thrown, surrounded by friends and acquaintances who are enjoying themselves, and still have to concentrate on what they’re doing, and do a great job! On top of that, you are probably expecting a massive discount on their services, or free labor from them altogether. They may have turned down other paying jobs just to be present and work at your wedding…for free or cheap! Insisting on paying their full rates (which may be awkward to them, as they may feel obligated to discount you) or even paying more than they originally charge is fair to them, but only raises the stakes if something catastrophic should happen to your photography.

Just as the photographer could be putting your friendship at risk by shooting your wedding, a couple asking or insisting that a friend/family member shoots their wedding professionally instead of inviting them as a guest may also put a strain on the friendship. No matter how much I enjoy shooting, it is far more difficult to maintain a professional demeanor in an atmosphere that promotes such a relaxed attitude.

Case in point: One of my very first weddings was my college roommate’s. I did an OK job despite my lack of experience, but I’ll never forget when she walked down I aisle—I was snapping away but my viewfinder was thoroughly fogged and I had a difficult time framing—all because I had tears running down my face! Obviously this would be immensely different for a professional who is unrelated to the bride and has seen hundreds of strangers in white dresses proceed down the aisle. But someone you know is a different story!

As far as my principles are concerned, this rule does not reach so far to include friends-of-friends, unknown family-of-friends, or distant family members, though these groups may still expect a discount. These people will approach the photographer as a stranger would, despite the referral source, and the business transaction would proceed as it would between any standard client and vendor.

Personally, I know it’s very hard to resist when a friend asks. If any of my close friends or family asked me to shoot their wedding, I would definitely be tempted because I love shooting weddings and I love my family and friends, but I would hopefully be strong enough to turn them down and refer them to someone else whom I trust to do a good job. If they begged and pleaded and insisted that they absolutely did not want or could not afford anyone else, I may cave and shoot it, despite my principles.

If a distant relative asked me to shoot their wedding, I would probably do it, particularly if I hadn’t met or barely remembered them. IF they receive a discount, it would be minor.  If a close relative (such as my brother) asked me, I don’t think I could do it.

If a friend-of-a-friend or a relative-of-a-friend asked me to shoot their wedding, I would accept and treat them as I would a standard client.

In the end, as a photographer you want your clients to come to you as strangers, grow to love you as a (really talented) friend, and shoot like a professional!

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